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You might not be the FIRST man she blames all her problems on, but you sure as hell can be NEXT. On the whole, give single and divorced mothers a pass. Little girls long for daddies as much as little boys. The children of single mothers have already been wounded so deeply by the lack of a father.
And for the love of god, if you decide to give one a spin, STAY AWAY FROM THE CHILD. To give them some hope that it might be YOU, and then leave them is unspeakably cruel. You can’t save those little innocents, but you can save them from hurting even more.
And not not be there." And not not be there – like her father and, in reality, her mother, Biggi. "No, I wrote him a long letter, but I didn't see him. That's why I know so many doctors – I know more doctors and nurses than I can think.
Kinski used once to rhapsodise about her relationship with her mother: "She's like the sun coming up to me. I told him what I thought in the letter – a long letter." What she thought may have been bilious, but what she had hoped for was different: "I always thought, 'Maybe later, maybe later he'll come back,' and later never came,"she has said. Any kind of person who has authority that gives the impression of care; you know, of caring that you exist.
You can pick up a heroin addiction, drop out of high school, rob a bank or decide to write the great American novel financing yourself on your credit cards. You can go to rehab, get your GED, get parole, and pay off those cards. A modern man doesn’t turn up his nose at a woman with some sexual experience who might have learned a trick or two from previous lovers about what men REALLY like, or more likely, she learned how to FIND OUT, but the majority of men would like to see a NEW sign on her uterus. When a man picks a wife, he wants to know he won’t be competing with some random babydaddy who was there before him. A great wife and mother places the needs and happiness of her husband and children ABOVE her own needs, and in doing so, finds her greatest happiness. But a woman who makes YOU the center of her life is going to be a great wife. Oh, that’s the story she’ll spin for you, because really, what women is going to sit there and say “I’m an unbearably controlling and irrational cunt who made my husband’s life such hell he decided he would rather be a weekend Dad than spend one more second with me”. What kind of delusional self-image does a woman have, if she can fall for a con artist with a gambling habit that would shame Charlie Sheen?
But once you have a child, you cannot take it back. Third, single mothers profoundly misunderstand men. There are few men who are overjoyed to spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring. A woman who cares so little about her children, her own prospects, and her future husband is NOT going to make a great wife. Oh, and in return, you have to make HER the center of your life. When you meet a divorced single mother, immediately start looking for the flaw. Something that drove another man to pledge his undying love to her, to have and to hold, from this day forth, and then sometime later decide “fuck this shit. Be very cautious around a woman who takes none of the blame for her failed marriage.
She decided to go another way, she chose a different life from being with us." Biggi was against Nastassja's marriage and has rarely seen her daughter's children. Before our interview, she had sat for more than half an hour, hidden behind the tinted windows of a black limousine, talking into her mobile. She has, she says, had bronchitis; she's on "big antibiotics"; she has a hacking cough; she'd have put all this off to a later date except, "I heard you'd come all the way from England." And so she sits by the pool of the Magic Hotel, off Hollywood Boulevard, and asks, sweetly, for some herb tea, some juice and perhaps a muffin. Yet, in The Claim, she plays a tubercular mother in the California Gold Rush of 1849, coughing blood and allowing the British director, Michael Winterbottom, to shoot some unforgiving close-ups of her big-boned, big-lipped, big-eyed face. But she does, she accepts, have to survive; there are people who depend on her.
In this jungle around us she protects me, like the lion's mother. "When he died [of a massive heart attack, in November 1991], I had a moment of grief that lasted about five minutes. Because he caused us too much pain." The aftermath of all this lends itself to the pattest of Freudian analyses: Nastassja, after all, was 27 years younger than Polanski when they met; 14 years younger than her husband when they married, in 1984; 28 years younger than Quincy Jones when she went off with him in 1992. And of course any kid that doesn't have a father looks for approval and elements of fatherhood in other people.
When we talk, it's total ecstasy." Now, though, they don't speak. At 39, does she still need father figures as directors, lovers, friends? But, no, I can't say that people I've been with are like father figures." (Her ex-husband, Ibrahim Moussa, would seem to disagree: "She never wanted to marry me," he has said.
She is often referred to as a poet: 'She does write, and I think her poems are beautiful. At length, the car door opened and she appeared, the Motorola Nextel still clutched to her chestnut-brown hair. Hers is, though, a grown-up role, maturely executed. Benignly, one fan site on the internet hymns her as 'an anima woman, a goddess archetype as old as mankind, embracing something deeply embedded in our collective unconscious.' More cynically, the voluptuous mouth and grave young eyes Kinski displayed as a pre-pubescent were used to turn her into another archetype: the child-woman. Indeed, she talks often of her children; of how crucial it is to work at being a parent; of how it is her business to keep them safe and to protect them – "that's all I can say".
Gesticulating fiercely, she paced up and down the Hollywood pavement, a blue-grey sleeveless Puffa jacket over her light-blue shirt, a large Louis Vuitton bag slung over her shoulder. I'm putting so much love and so much care and so much time. At 12, having been talent-spotted in a disco in Munich by Wim Wenders's wife, she appeared topless, and the victim of a grown man's half-hearted slap, in Wenders's Wrong Movement (1974); at 14 she played the young nun, writhing in lust, by whom the satanist Christopher Lee pined to have a child in To The Devil A Daughter (1976); at the same age she had the lead in Wolfgang Petersen's Reifezeugnis (1977), playing a schoolgirl who has an affair with her teacher; two years later she was, again, a naughty schoolgirl in The Passion Flower Hotel (1978) – "I'd like to find every copy of that film and burn them" – and, that same year, she appeared naked with Marcello Mastroianni in the execrable Stay As You Are. "Let's put it this way,' she says: 'If that was my daughter, I wouldn't allow that. ' Tess (1980) – a reverential, three-hour-long rendering of Thomas Hardy's Tess of the D'Urbervilles – was the film that turned Kinski into a full-blown international film-star, and Polanski her mentor: "He would be very strict with me and send me books, and send me to school. I would like to say maybe three months, but it seemed longer. I made great relationships with the other girls who were in there and at night I had all this time to think. (Though she doesn't mention it, Aliosha and Sonia have been the subjects of three court decisions; at one point, Moussa took them to Egypt to see their sick grandfather without telling Kinski.