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People assume I should be actively working toward finding a husband, an exhausting process that leaves me feeling rejected and judged as a result of my weight, or I should be working to lose weight in order to make myself a more appealing option.

I’ve had Christians justify this pressure by dismissing unrealistic beauty standards with a simple, “Well, men are visual creatures after all.” While I cannot speak for all women, I can say that being overweight has diminished (and most often completely erased) any interest from men.

Fellow Christians have a biblical mandate to call out the sin in my life, and with that action they can also work toward eliminating an unsightly blemish on the church roster. Eating excessive amounts to fill an emotional void, while not necessarily sinful, is not indicative of a healthy spiritual life.

And, unfortunately, unrealistic body expectations are just one way that we diminish and derail the value of women in the church. Only by ignoring the shame and embarrassment I feel in writing a post like this can we begin a healthy discussion, acknowledging the detrimental effects of our preoccupation with physical beauty.I once had a close friend confide in me that a boy I liked told her he could never date me, despite being “attracted to my personality,” because of my weight, because he was embarrassed by me.It was my worst nightmare come true — that my personality does not offer enough redemption for my looks.It feels like things should be different in the church.Markers of spiritual maturity, like depth of character or willingness to serve, should trump my above-average BMI, but rarely is that the case.

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