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And on those rare occasions a white boy kissed me in the copy-machine room at our high school, or when a white boy told me over the phone he had a crush on me, the acknowledgement made me feel chosen. The white boys I grew up with were cool: They rode their skateboards on private property. White men have preoccupied me my whole life, from the schoolyard to the subway, but these days I’m seeing them differently.They smoked weed in their parents’ houses with abandon. If they wanted me, I thought, it was because I seemed free like them. Since college I’ve had five boyfriends, and all of them have been white. They’re no longer the object of my affection, a mirror for my self-worth, or an affirmation of my beauty. The night Trump was elected, I wrote about feeling lonely.

In every relationship I have with a white man, there comes a moment when they come to understand a simple fact of my life: that racism is an intimate part of my daily existence.

Americans of South Asian descent are often victims of hate crimes that stem from islamophobia. In the media, Asian females often portrayed to be the ‘exotic’ love interest of a strong White male protagonist.

Southeast Asian Americans have some of the highest poverty and high school drop-out rates in the country, but because of the ‘model minority’ stereotype that all Asian Americans are thriving in America, these issues often are ignored.“Every Asian student has a very simple old American first name that symbolizes their desire for integration,” his online comment said. Asian males are portrayed to be weak, foreign, nerdy, and often used to be comedic relief.

It’s not that I don’t think white people are anxious; two months into Trump’s presidency, most of the white people in my life are activated.

They’re in the streets, calling senators and congressmen, attending community board meetings, and holding sign-making parties. But while the political universes of my white friends are cracking open, I’m feeling more inclined than ever to cloister myself.

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